Sri Aurobindo
Letters of Sri Aurobindo
Volume 2. 1934 — 1935
Anilbaran’s song is best rendered by an Elizabethan simplicity and intensity with as little artifice of metre and diction as possible. I have tried to do it in that way.
I have read the long poem, but should like to read it once more before returning it.
Your “The Deep” is very good, but there are too many “it” and “for”; “shied thy Orient” is not English, a preposition is indispensable; “your glimpse” again is not said, but “a glimpse of you” – “a glimpse” is sufficient here; “decides” is too prosaic; “and home” is loose and conveys no precise connection or meaning. I have therefore altered at all these points.
“Stilescade” needs more alteration. “When” is much needed in the first line to give more flowing and less abrupt syntax. 
Between “feet” and “heart” a syllable is needed to avoid the clash of the two “t”s and “my” gives more emotion to the phrase. “Darks” (plural) can hardly stand and is also awkward; the two next lines are awkward also in construction, while in the fourth line “sky’s lullaby” will never do. Stanza three, “are” is needed, not “were” to show that the effect continues; “numb” sounds queer and, while the oxymoron “your hush was not dumb” is permissible, to say that the “hush carolled and danced” is too violent for even an illogical English mind; it is better hinted or stated by inference than put with a too bald and bold directness. I think with my corrections the two poems make two very pretty lyrics.
(...)
P.S. Your translation is not quite successful, which is not surprising, for I would have found it difficult to translate in verse myself; so I am taking time over it.