Sri Aurobindo
Letters of Sri Aurobindo
Volume 4
(,..) through service to you – 7 have had enough personal fame and ego-play and all that sort of thing – these change nothing and I feel I can change only through serving you. But how best to do it – ah, that is the question. Here in the concrete what would you have me do? I want to do what you wish me-to do. Please tell me, I ask you very simply and in all sincerity, as you can believe through my tone. I have a feeling of repose and security in me – a new feeling that the inner surrender must be achieved counting no cost as Krishnaprem said and I don’t want to lose it, as it comes of deepening bhakti in me for you and Mother. Please forgive my prolixity. But I need to feel sure of my footsteps. They should not land me in pitfalls. No more ego-play-sanctioning if you please. I leave a little space below.
If you combine records and the radio affair it is perhaps worth doing. I don’t suppose a week out would do any harm. As for the feeling from within, it depends on being able to go inside. Sometimes it comes of itself with the deepening of the consciousness by bhakti or otherwise; sometimes it comes by practice – a sort of referring the matter and listening for the answer – listening is of course a metaphor, but it is difficult to express it otherwise – it doesn’t mean that the answer comes necessarily in the shape of words; spoken or unspoken, though it does sometimes or for some; it can take any shape. The main difficulty for many is to be sure of the right answer. For that it is necessary to be able to contact the consciousness of the Guru inwardly – that comes best by bhakti. Otherwise it may become a delicate and ticklish job. Obstacles; (1) normal habit of relying on outward means for everything; (2) ego, substituting its suggestions for the right answer; (3) mental activity; (4) intruder nuisances. I think you need not be eager for this, but rely on the growth of the inner consciousness. The above is only by way of general explanation.