Sri Aurobindo

Letters of Sri Aurobindo

Volume 2. 1936

Letter ID: 1669

Sri Aurobindo — Nirodbaran Talukdar

July 6, 1936 (Morning)

I have no peace, no joy, no push for anything, and am physically an absolute rag. I wonder, after all, whether you have committed a mistake by telling me all that [an unpublished letter]; pardon my audacity. I doubt because I don’t find any good result from it. Can you tell me why exactly you told me all that? Surely you must have had an end in view.

You asked for it yourself, nor was there anything much more than I had told you on a former occasion – only one actual case of the general proposition. If the old thing rose up so violently, as a result, it shows that it was there all the time in the subconscient coming secretly in the way of the progress and the continuity or return of such experiences as you had. It seems to me that it was as well that it should come up and you should deal with it consciously and directly. If you want the Divine and the inner life, the old vital moorings must be cut.

In short, I am thinking of going out somewhere for a month. I can only think of A at Bombay who may be willing to keep me.

That is D’s proposition all over again! I have to spend a large part of the night writing letters to him so that he may not start for Cape Comorin and the Himalayas – now if you pile Bombay and A on these two ends of India, I for my part shall have to head for the Pacific Ocean.

I am feeling that the intimate personal contact you allowed me before – which is one of the big attractions – you are withdrawing. Perhaps I have committed some grave faults, or the necessity doesn’t exist!

I don’t know where you got that rubbishy idea. I have told you that I am preoccupied with the old mass of correspondence – (now + D) + many important and pressing answers to people which in spite of their pressingness I can’t get written. That is why I have not sent you back your personal book, as I need a less occupied mind to discuss such intricate and difficult questions as you have put this time. There is no question of withdrawing anything or grave faults or cessation of any necessity. For heaven’s sake, don’t begin striking this other Dilipian chord!