Sri Aurobindo
Letters of Sri Aurobindo
Volume 2. 1936
Letter ID: 1729
Sri Aurobindo — Nirodbaran Talukdar
September 21, 1936
I had been to the pier with J. We were quietly resting on a bench with our feet up, when a Tamilian came with a stick in hand and ordered us to put our feet down. I was rather bewildered and put my feet down; so did J; but she asked “Why?” I said, maybe he is the guard of the pier, and it may be against rules... Behind us Purani and others were sitting with their feet up also, but he didn’t tell them anything. This made J very excited and she said that he had insulted us. He was only a drunkard or a rogue. Then she accused me of cowardice for my abject submission; that it was not physical cowardice, but of the inner spirit. Because I didn’t want to face him, I obeyed. The first thing a woman respects and admires in a man is courage! etc., etc...
Obviously what you ought to have done was to go baldheaded for the Tamilian, bang up his eyes, smash his nose, extract some of his teeth, break his jaw and fling him into the sea. Afterwards if the police came to arrest you, disable half the Force and slaughter the Inspector. Then J would have come to you in jail and wept admiringly over the mighty hero – That’s what a “woman” expects of a “man” since the cave-days. It is also what a she-cat expects of a tomcat.
Kindly tell me frankly and openly what was my movement – was it cowardice? But this man was not at all strong, I could have fought him, besides Purani and they were there. Still why did I listen so meekly? Yet if he had come to attack J, I don’t think I would have drawn back. One of the things I hate is cowardice.
In this particular case if you thought it was against rules and the man was a guard (as a matter of fact benches are usually supposed to be sat upon with the feet down), there was no cowardice in complying. Rules ought to be respected – the haughty self-assertive disregard of civic rules is worthy only of savages.
Apart from that there is a passive quiet courage which becomes aggressive only at need and is not partial to shindies, and there is the aggressive courage. To show the latter on every occasion is Irish, but not indispensable. Cowardice comes in only when you do or abstain from doing out of a sense of fear. Were you afraid? If not, it is not cowardice.
I have seen many people physically weak, yet brave like lions, while there are strong fellows who are cowards.
Yes, of course.
Is it something connected with the inner vital? Please explain the situation and give a satisfactory reply on courage vs. cowardice and the remedy.
Fear is of course a vital and physical thing. Many people who have shown great courage, were not physically or even vitally brave; yet by force of need they pushed themselves into all sorts of battle and danger. Henry IV of France, a great fighter and victor, was an example. Just because his body consciousness was in a panic, he forced it to go where the danger was thickest.
On Saturday I had a dream that my complexion had become absolutely golden. Y cried, “Oh, how beautiful you have become!” Is it some inner beauty reflecting itself on the outer being?
If Y and her compliment had not been in the dream, we might say so. But – If we give it a symbolic sense, (leaving Y out of account as a contribution from the vital) then it is a beautiful vision not of the body but of the future change of the being. For gold is the colour of the Divine Truth. People who come down from the highest planes (when not white or blue) are usually golden in dreams and visions. Take your choice of explanations.
G’s temperature normal today. 6 injections finished. Start the oil? [18.9.36]
Yes.
Raghavan has eczema on right leg – not much benefit by mercury. Giving simple Zinc Oxide. Eczemas are beastly things. Wonder if we should give it up.
Give up having eczemas? Certainly. Boils too.
I have one more blessed boil! Dr. Becharlal says it is a good sign, for it means purification!! If so I shall bear thousands!!!
All that’s a discovery. The boil is then truly a blessed one?