Sri Aurobindo

Letters of Sri Aurobindo

Volume 2. 1936

Letter ID: 1759

Sri Aurobindo — Nirodbaran Talukdar

October 22, 1936

I had a dream last night: the Mother had become a little girl and was talking to a boy of her age, before a vast gathering. There was something very unusual about her. We were wondering whether it was really the Mother. How had she turned so young? and to this little girt we made pranam! What significance?

It was in the vital world, I suppose; there anything may happen. Can’t say that I catch any symbolic significance in it. Perhaps your vital was trying to find a ground for বাত্সল্য ভাব¹.

Had a dream of a death also in the Asram...

Well, if you go on dreaming like that!

What B.P. is doing is, you know, something criminal... Why not buy him a ticket?

Evidently! We have already tried to chuck him once, but failed,– because he had nowhere to go. I will have a try again, even if we have to buy him a ticket for Nowhere.

I don’t know why the boy D and his mother are here. Do you really think that they will be doing Yoga any day? If not, why this encumbrance?

Quite right, sir,– perspicaciously right. The original idea was that they would live separately – M.G. only being a Sadhika, but as usual once people are anywhere near they push in.

Your Force is acting, Sir, and many pots will break. Am I one, I wonder!

Need not be. Hope you have no inclinations that way.

Can you not give one or two concrete instances of falsehood and treachery of Y, that called in this catastrophe, simultaneously with the descent?

Concrete instances came before. It was he who indoctrinated M to leave the Asram and go back to her husband and gave her the suggestions of how to justify herself etc. The story is too long. But it was what I referred to as the reason why Mother did not permit him to come,– finally he came without permission. I hear he once encouraged D in his depression to go away from here. All that had not changed – he pretended under the pressure of D, S to repent, but in reality he always considered that he had done no wrong. This part of him was so false that it erected its falsehood into right. The Mother spoke always of his hypocrisy. See, he told D “There is no love lost between myself and Sri Aurobindo and the Mother, but I am sincere in my Yoga.” That means he was seeking after something not connected with us. Yet he wrote that when the Force came down which was at will, he felt the Mother’s presence in him and was happy. All that is what the Mother speaks of as hypocrisy. Then when the Force threatened to come in earnest, this part of him got terrified and shaken – for it had rejected the Mother’s protection and did not want her Force at all, but something that it could appropriate. It felt that it was “something not himself”, and got into a panic. There does not seem to have been any illness, for you would have found some sign. Coming Madness? I doubt. He was in clear possession of his wits. Then fear only. As soon as he knew he was going away, the fear went, this part became exultant and all went away. It seems to me on the data that this interpretation is the only possible one.

Please see if you can be “obliged” to reflect on M’s condition. Then I shall write my St. Augustine’s confessions!

Have written.

¹ vālsalya bhāva: parental affection.

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