Sri Aurobindo

Letters of Sri Aurobindo

Volume 2. 1937

Letter ID: 1817

Sri Aurobindo — Nirodbaran Talukdar

January 4, 1937

I was very surprised to read a statement of G – he says that a few months ago he felt in sleep as if he wanted to see a woman. He was shocked to find such an impulse in him after over 40 years of struggle to conquer the sex-instinct. He says also that it was one of the blackest moments in his life and if he had succumbed to it he would have been ruined...

Imagine a man over 60 and practising absolute sex-control for over 40 years, as well as control in speech, thought, food, so sincerely, having such a bout.

There is nothing astonishing in that. First of all, even if it had been in waking, it is to be expected. G’s method is ethical, a stern mental control, নিগ্রহ¹. That keeps down the sex fellow, but does not eliminate him. He can start up at any moment. Secondly, it was in sleep when the mind is not in control, unless you have specially practised control of sleep. I don’t quite understand the black moment and the potential succumbing. Succumb to what? Does he mean that the effect of the desire continued after waking from sleep or he was shocked in the sleep itself, resisted in the sleep?

L, I hear, had a fall from spiritual height, and he is enjoying the life of “Krishna”. What then will be our lot? Alas, alas, where shall we be?

But why did he fall? Because he justified the fall as a great spiritual progress? Of course if you and others do the same, you can’t expect to fare better than he did. But then there is no ground for crying “Alas, alas, where shall we be?”

Isn’t it the same sex-impulse as G’s flaming up in another garb in L’s case? And the sex-impulse who is said to have known heights in Yoga?

[Sri Aurobindo underlined “the sex-impulse who is”.]

Meaning? It was precisely because L considered the sex-impulse to be a height in Yoga that he went for it.

I have been infligé with doubts, and these things are wearing and tearing the soul. Felt almost like rushing away somewhere.

Don’t you think it is rather silly to allow examples like G’s who is not even a sadhak or L’s who did the sadhana of sex-yielding to depress you, as if they had any relation or bearing on the Yoga here.

Any answer or “tons of correspondence” still?

Plenty of tons. But the answer will be given when I have the questions and some leisure together.

About N.P., Manilal says glasses can’t cure the disease and once he takes to glasses, he may have to change them every two years or so.

That of course, but it can’t be called cure.

But that can’t be helped unless his eyes are suspended from reading etc., for if he goes on with his occupations with the defect, it may increase. Of course rest to the eyes wouldn’t do it, nor would he feel any pain. So?

Well, is he prepared to wear specs and accept the sure deterioration of his eyes under their protection?

I am trying to have a dash at Herbert’s French class which begins at 8.15 p.m. So have to change Dispensary time at night – after meditation to 8 p.m. Mother’s approval and a notice can be put up?

Yes.

¹ nigraha.

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