Sri Aurobindo
Letters of Sri Aurobindo
Volume 2. 1937
10.p.m.
I heard just now that X is again troubled because of some “peacelessness”, and intends to go to Calcutta. May I go to see him? I hope there is no harm in doing so? I know I won’t be able to help him... He cheered me up in my last depression.
I suppose it is useless to discuss, or to persuade either. What will be the best thing to do? I pray that he may give up this mad project... You must keep him, Sir!
There is no harm in your going to see him, but it should be to cheer him and be helpful, not to dispute or lecture. To make him change his mind or cancel his going is difficult now because he has telegraphed to everybody – would be of little use. For something in him is strongly seized with this idea of Calcutta and Almora which has been long ripening and repeating itself, and it has been coming back and back every ten days or so. It would come back again and with greater vehemence. It is better to let him have his relief. He wrote a quite reasonable letter except for his usual silly nonsense about the “grimness” of the morning Meditation – and in answer I subscribed to his going for a few months, and staying at Calcutta and Almora. He was making his preparations quite cheerfully when suddenly he got the idea of taking Y with him (so it is reported) and went to her. She gave him a scolding and lecture. Result – he came gloomy to the Mother, found her “stern” (which she was not) and broke into a tragic despair, praying for death and saying that he would never come back or write again etc. If he is to go, it is surely better that he should go gladly and cheerfully and not in this spirit.
As to the madness of the project it is certainly not the best thing he could have done. But he has got into such a formation of ideas and feelings against the Yoga as it is practised here (he had that always almost) and is so unable to get rid of it that he is unable to have any outward progress until it is broken and no progress (a quiet inward psychic growth he does not want) throws him into fits of despair after every calm period of a few days. He wants to escape or get relief from it by going out. Well, let him try it, by a miracle it might succeed. In any case to hold back always when he says he is in turmoil here is not possible.