Sri Aurobindo
Letters of Sri Aurobindo
Volume 2. 1937
“Mille félicitations”? Thank you, Sir! But just note that it was with regard to poetry only. Yoga has to come. Without that no felicitations are any good, at least for me.
Well, well – all in due time – mille félicités as well as félicitations.
A funny thing happened last night. It began this way: since 6.30 p.m. I had been feeling the Mother’s Presence, and more vividly yours, until I went to bed.
In the evening when I went to the pier, for a while your entire face appeared vividly before my eyes. I was so happy that I forgot the moon above and was drinking in your Presence. Then gradually it dissolved, leaving only the outline. At times it seemed to be before me, at others as if the whole sky was pervaded by your Presence. I returned home, but went again to the pier at 9 p.m. with J. While she was talking, I was perceiving the outline of your Presence, and no other thought came in or went out. J’s talk had no effect on it. Within I was automatically uttering your name and the Mother’s.
At 10.30 p.m. I went to bed, after a short concentration. I was in a sort of semi-slumberous state wherein a great pressure was being exerted on the head. The whole body became hot and was perspiring. The pressure increased so much that I said I must come out of it or burst. It was such a possession. I relaxed myself and rolled into sleep.
I hope you will pick the grain out of the chaff. What sort of an affair is this, Sir? Trying to cut my throat or burst my head?
Very good indeed – that is something like a beginning.
Well, sir, the Presence not finding an entrance into your waking mind easy, tried to take advantage of half sleep to do it. (Half sleep is always a favourable condition for these things). But your body consciousness, not being familiar with such spiritual penetrations, got into a stew – and as a stew is accompanied by heat and steam,– so your body got hot and perspired.
Naturally, when it found so much resistance, it increased to meet the resistance.
Obviously, to burst is undesirable.
Throat not in the picture – Tried to steal a march into your head.
Did I do anything wrong by trying to relax?
It is better to relax than to burst.
... Sometimes I have felt inclined to doubt the Presence, but I think I should not, what?
Certainly not – doubt under such circumstances is perfectly imbecile.
Still a small snake of doubt says (not regarding yesterday’s feeling, though), “It is all imagination –”
Rubbish!
It goes on “If not... why have you to concentrate and call the Presence? By its very nature the Presence should at once make you see that it is there as if it were an object before you, without making you imagine things.”
Sir, is the Presence of a physical nature or a spiritual fact? And is the physical sense accustomed or able to see or feel spiritual things – a spiritual Presence, a non-material Form? To see the Brahman everywhere is not possible unless you develop the inner vision – to do that you have to concentrate. To see non-material forms is indeed possible for a few, because they have the gift by nature, but most can’t do it without developing the subtle sight. It is absurd to expect the Divine to manifest his Presence without your taking any trouble to see it,– you have to concentrate.
Just now, as I am writing to you, I feel as if the Mother were looking at me and you too, but from your invulnerable fortress.
It simply means you have a subjective sense of our Presence. But must a subjective sense of things be necessarily a vain imagination? If so, no Yoga is possible. One has to take it as an axiom that subjective things can be as real as objective things. No doubt there may be and are such things as mental formations – but, to begin with, mental formations are or can be very powerful things, producing concrete results; secondly whether what one sees or hears is a mental formation or a real subjective object can only be determined when one has sufficient experience in these inward things.
What should I do to develop this experience further? It is the very Thing, you see, isn’t it?
Yes, of course. What you have to do is to grow and let the experience grow.
Is this what you call going inward?
[Sri Aurobindo drew a line from the word “inward” leading to his reply.]
No, not quite – but it is evidently the result of some opening from within – for without that opening one cannot become aware of Presences or Forms that are super-physical in their nature.
This experience, I feel, is the means of escape from worldly-pleasures, isn’t it?
Yes.
I feel now some strength; nothing can disturb me in my relation with people. Good?
Exceedingly good.
Please give me some necessary instructions, not depending on my notes, as to what should be done. If I have seen the tail it must lead me to the head!
There is nothing to do but to go on concentrating and calling the Presence within and without you, the opening, the power to receive and let it come. The more the mind falls quiet during or as the result of concentration, the better (no other thought in or out). But no need to struggle for that, must come of itself by the concentration.