April 22, 1961
1 never manage to finish my morning's program. Things just keep piling up....
(Soon afterwards, concerning X, who had stated that the most recent attacks against Mother, and even those of two years earlier when she had been forced to withdraw to her room, were the result of black magic, and that certain members of the Ashram were DIRECTLY responsible for them, or in any case, had served as intermediaries – as a “switchboard,” to quote him – in connection with an outside magician.)
I have been racking my brains, but really, I can't hit on who, IN THE ASHRAM, could be doing magic against me! Having bad thoughts is very widespread, but that doesn't matter in the least.
Yet I don't understand how someone might be doing something positively evil, to the extent that X says, “They will repent of it.” I don't understand it, I just don't. Because usually when people are like that, they can't stay, they go. Certain people have left for just that reason. It's like this story of black magic “performed at the Ashram” the first time I fell ill two years ago; I can't believe it, because it would prove that I am totally unconscious! And I don't think I am.
I know all the people here. I know everything that's going on, I see it night and day. But I haven't seen this. Yes, there are ill-intentioned people, but they are even obliged to tell me so! There are people who... oh, they almost wish I would leave, because they feel my presence as a constraint! They tell me so very frankly: ďAs long as you're here, we're obliged to do the yoga, but we don't want to do the yoga, we want to live quietly; so if you weren't here, well, we wouldn't have to think about yoga anymore!” But they are a bunch of fools with no power in them at all. As I said, they are even forced to tell me their true feelings.
There are many – many – who think I am going to die and are making preparations so as not to be left completely out on the street when I go. I am aware of all this. But it's childishness – if I leave, they are right; if I don't, it doesn't matter!
I had a vision last night which lasted for a long time – it was rather interesting – about your work concerning Sri Aurobindo: the plane where it's situated, what place Sri Aurobindo gives it and the HELP he is giving you. It was very, very interesting. I no longer recall all the details, but broad bands of a bluish-white light seemed to be spreading out in special forms (Mother sketches spirals in the air), showing how it would touch the earth's mental atmosphere. It was truly interesting.
And Sri Aurobindo spoke of it as my work with you. I told him that I myself was doing nothing! But he told me it was my work with you.
It went on for a long time – between midnight and 2 a.m.