April 13, 1966
(About Satprem's new book, “The Sannyasin.”)
This morning again I got up more than half an hour late because of you!
Why is it so difficult?
(Laughing) That's what I don't understand! It shouldn't be. Don't you have an “idea” that it's going to be difficult? Didn't you start with the idea it was going to be difficult?
There you are, then.
And also I have great difficulty getting rid of the old form.
It hampers me a lot.
Yes, all the old habits.
I am constantly doing and undoing, because I realize it's the old form of the book, what I had seen formerly.1
And also the old way of working, that's the difficulty.
I realize it immediately, because right away I feel it's “literature.”
Yes, that's right.
But for this book, we meet in quite a new place, mon petit, quite new, and then so wonderful! It's a wonderful place that has nothing of the necessities and compulsions of this earth here. It is so luminous, so new, and so precise at the same time, so exact. Last night, it was in shades from a certain silver blue to pearl gray, and it had such precise forms, but at the same time with nothing of the hardness and commonplace quality of earthly things. And we were working so simply, effortlessly.... I get up every day at the same time, half past four; well, for the second time (I told you the other day), instead of half past four it was ten to five. And I came from exactly the same place. And since that is the time when you are sleeping, it seems to me it must necessarily be getting in, no? When one is awake, it may not touch, but here... And then, there is a thoroughly conscious part of you there. So what prevents you from being influenced by that must be a whole layer of old things.
Yes, the whole old form of the book is there.
It will get in – “get in,” it has to get in since you are there, in that world, and when you wake up that part enters you; only, the ordinary activity prevents its influence from being felt. But it's slowly taking place; the difference is that instead of your having a revelation, it takes place slowly like a progressive influence.
It will act.
There is another thing, it's that in the transition between the two consciousnesses, there is a moment when you feel you are quite stupid – you feel you can't think anymore, you can't do anything anymore, you have become useless, you have no contact with things. There is always a difficult transition then. Even now for the body, each part, when it changes (what I used to call the “change of master”), there is a transition when it becomes absolutely useless, you feel it's finished. The first few times, you are worried; afterwards, you become used to it and keep still; then the light suddenly shines.
(Sujata gives Mother a recently named flower: “Material power of healing.”2)
I would like that to be permanently established. When someone tells me, “I have a pain here,” I pass my hand like that and it's over.
The hands feel, they feel it's possible. They are so conscious of the Vibration – they feel that anything is possible. The other day, E. fell down, I don't know how, and she injured her knee, she was covered with bruises and scratches. And she wore a dress that only reached down to here (!), so I saw. I said, “What happened?” She answered, “I fell down.” Then this hand (Mother's right hand) quite spontaneously went and passed over her knee, like that, and I felt all the vibrations at my fingertips: it's like needles – needles of light – and it vibrates and vibrates and vibrates. So I put my hand like that, and suddenly she said, “Oh!...” She was flabbergasted: all the pain had gone.
But there were marks, bruises – they should go, but it takes time. On me the effect is almost immediate, especially the right hand.
But I would like it to have a sort of absoluteness. Because the decision to intervene isn't mental at all: suddenly the hand is simply compelled to do it, so it does it. Well, in that case, it should be absolute.... There is still the influence of the others' thought and all that, what a useless jumble!
(Soon afterwards, Mother files an answer she has just sent to a disciple.)
She is a girl who has written to me several times (there are several like her), who has a well-built body, who should be quite solid and healthy, but she has an emotive and sentimental vital, and... (somewhat ironically) they aren't “loved” as they would like to be loved. Result: one has a pain in her stomach, another has a pain elsewhere. Finally they write to ask me, “What's going on?” And the other day, I said to myself, “Why don't I tell them?” So I wrote:
“You feel lonely because you want to be loved. Learn the joy of loving without demand, just for the JOY OF LOVING – the most wonderful joy in the world – and you will never more feel lonely.”
That, mon petit, for me is the key. The key that solves all problems – for me. I am not saying it will eternally be like that; it isn't the supreme truth, but for my present experience of the present time, it's the key.
1 This book should normally have been written four or five years earlier, and at the time Satprem saw it in the form of a Greek tragedy.
2 Petrea volubilis, crimson morning glory.