going to fall ill. In the morning when I come out of it, I feel as if my body were full of
poison.1The Mother
Agenda
Volume 13
December 10, 1972
(Mother sees Sujata, who reads her a letter from Satprem.)
December 10, 1972
Mother,
For the past several nights, my body seems to have been physically tortured all night long. I keep tossing and turning in pain. Also I feel as if my stomach is being clawed. I am afraid that if this goes on, I am actually
going to fall ill. In the morning when I come out of it, I feel as if my body were full of
poison.1
May I become entirely and exclusively your child.
Satprem
For me life is a torture if I am not exclusively turned to the Divine. That's the only remedy; otherwise, it's true, life is a torture. Existing becomes intolerable.
The only remedy is to be like this... (gesture, hands turned upward in contemplative silence)... when time ceases to exist.
1 I now wonder whether I was not, in my own measure, beginning to learn the painful lesson of oneness, which starts with all the ambient ill-will. Now I understand fully well that there must be no more “person” in order to withstand all that. If there is “somebody-who,” it is painful – and dangerous.