Nirodbaran

Talks with Sri Aurobindo

Volume 1

10 December 1938 – 14 January 1941

26 June 1946

One day in June 1945 around four a.m., A woke up from a sound sleep and found to his surprise something which had never happened before: Japa, the repetition of the names of the Mother and Sri Aurobindo, was occurring spontaneously within him. After some time he felt the life-force and a diffused consciousness in him rising up through his body from the feet towards the centre between the eyebrows (ajnachakra). The consciousness formed itself into a reddish golden ball and appeared right in front of that centre. A was still in bed. He saw the mosquito net, the pole holding it, the bedstead, the books on the shelves built into the walls and the walls themselves vanish into nothingness. After a while all that remained was bare Awareness. It was not awareness of anything, there was nothing to be aware of – nor did A feel he was experiencing Awareness. There was no experience but sheer consciousness. It was only later in the day when the intensity of Awareness became less and began to disappear gradually that A felt he had had an extraordinary experience. He felt a great detachment from everything and a strong disinclination to do anything. He carried on his domestic and professional duties – he was then teaching at a university in a town in north India – but had no sense of involvement in them.

A had a strong streak of inertia in his nature. He knew that Sri Aurobindo’s was a dynamic Yoga and that disinclination to work was not only no part of it but a great obstacle to progress. He felt a division in his being and nature which produced in him a sense of despair. So when he came to the Ashram in June 1946, after having experienced pure Awareness, he wrote to Sri Aurobindo describing the experience and also about the strong element of inertia in his nature and asked him whether his interpretation of the experience, that it was of the silent Self, was correct and told him that he wanted to shed his inertia and prayed to the Master to assign some work to him so that he could discipline himself. A’s letter to Sri Aurobindo was read out to him by me and he dictated the reply given below. After it was read back to him, he asked me to give it to A.