Sri Aurobindo

Letters on Himself and the Ashram

The Complete Works of Sri Aurobindo. Volume 35

Admission, Staying, Departure

Departure from the Ashram [37]

I have analysed and analysed myself, and have found that I have no real urge for the Divine. It seems more the unfavourable external circumstances that have brought me here. Had I been happy and in plenty there, would I have chosen the path?... Where is the sincerity in me?... So wouldn’t it be better for you to let me go instead of wasting so much of your time and labour on me?

Your analysis and reasonings are those of Grand-mère Depression which sees only what she allows to come to the surface for her purposes. There are other things that Madame suppresses because they don’t suit her. It does not greatly matter what brought you here — the important thing is to go on till the psychic truth behind all that becomes manifest. The inertia of your physical nature is only a thick crust on the surface which gives way slowly, but under the pressure it will give way. If you had some big object in the ordinary life and nothing to hope for here it might be different, but as things are it would be foolish to walk off under the instigation of this old Mother Gloom-Gloom. Stick on and you will get the soul’s reward hereafter.

14 June 1936