Sri Aurobindo

Letters on Himself and the Ashram

The Complete Works of Sri Aurobindo. Volume 35

Sadhana in the Ashram

Personal Difficulties and Progress in Yoga [6]

All I want to know is whether the whole of my being wants God or not. I am always saying, “I have come here to attain God.” But perhaps this is just self-deception.

I have already answered your question. You came because your soul was moved to seek the Divine. That some part of your vital has strong attachments to the people you left behind, is a fact, but it does not make your soul’s seeking unreal. If the presence and persistence of vital difficulties were to prove that a sadhak is “unfit” and has no chance, then only one or two in the Asram — and perhaps not even they — would survive the test. The feeling of dryness and not being “able to aspire” is also no proof. Every sadhak gets periods and even long periods of such emptiness. I could point to some who are considered among the most “advanced” sadhaks and yet are not free yet altogether from the family instinct. It is therefore quite unreasonable to be upset because these reactions still linger in you. These reactions come and go, but the need of the soul is permanent, even when covered up and silent, and will always stay and reemerge.

24 June 1935