Sri Aurobindo
Letters of Sri Aurobindo
Volume 4
You certainly misheard what the Mother said to you. She asks me to write that what she actually said was that she gave your letters to me to read for her and to tell her what you wrote and if I did not tell her, it could only be an accident or because I had not found time. She could not have said that I never told her anything you wrote – that would have been a rather colossal misstatement and she did not say it.
What she said was exact about the Madras journey. You wrote asking for an immediate answer, so I wrote at once with our approval and blessings as I knew beforehand what the Mother would answer. I saw her in the evening and told her then and she confirmed my answer. So it is not a fact that I told her nothing about your going to Madras. I think you were told that I would be seeing the Mother only in the evening. That was the only time when I would see her alone, so it was then that we spoke about most matters. Now her work has become so heavy that we have even less time only a few minutes or a few seconds, so this has to change; but I acted according to the then arrangement of things of which I thought you knew, by long experience.
As to the Gramophone affair that was an accident. I had your letter read to me by Nirod – it would have been physically impossible for me to go through it myself, my eyes were too bad – and I somehow missed the question about Indu Ray1 and got the impression that you had received money which you were to give to Mother. Under this misapprehension imposed on me by the Inconscient in me, I omitted to speak of it to the Mother when I was telling her the contents of the letter. There was no intentional omission.
As to the rest, my not writing myself in answer to your letters, I have been suffering for some time from defective eyesight due to overstrain and chronic attacks on the eyes – especially in sleep. I had to get newspapers, articles, etc. read to me by Nirod and could no longer write as before. I found that by giving rest and avoiding all strain, there was a slight improvement every evening, so I thought I would give rest and avoid all strain so as to get a quicker improvement and full recovery. I understand that Nirod had said something to you about my difficulty, so it did not occur to me that you would misunderstand. However, I will now try to write answers on your letters as before whenever possible, as I can write though I can’t easily read what I have written and cannot revise. And as soon as there is some solid improvement, I will start reading letters myself again – with the help of the magnifying glass if necessary. If I can’t do it as soon as I hope, you will just have to be as patient as you can with me till I can. It is not my will but physical necessity that disables me.
In any case I hope that with these explanations you will understand that there has been no intentional neglect or indifference either on my part or the Mother’s and will see that there is no reason for your going away.
P.S. I hope this letter is not a jumble of mistakes or even more illegible than usual. I have tried to write as large and fair as was possible for me.
I understand from Mother that she has answered your question about Indu Ray so it is no use sending the money to him as you have already signed for it yourself – you will have to confirm the company that you can’t take it directly again and all such money should be sent to Indu Ray.