The Mother

Agenda

Volume 1

October 30, 1960

(After a meditation with Mother on the occasion of the disciple's birthday. At the outset of the conversation, Mother had given the disciple a small leather wallet with an Egyptian fresco depicted on it.)

Let me see the wallet (Mother looks at it)... Ah, so that has nothing to do with it!

As soon as the meditation began, I started seeing quite familiar scenes from ancient Egypt. And you, you looked a little different, but quite similar all the same... The first thing I saw was their god with a head like this (gesture of a muzzle), with a sun above his head. A dark animal head with... I know it VERY WELL, but I don't remember exactly which animal it is. One is a hawk,¹ but the other has a head like... (Mother makes the same gesture)

Like a jackal?

Yes, like a jackal, that's it. Yes, that's what it was. With a kind of lyre above its head, and then a sun.²

And this god was very intimately related to you, as if you were melted together; you were like a sacrificial priest and at the same time he was entering into you.

And this lasted quite long (it's what I saw most clearly and what I best remember). But there were many, many things – old things that I know – and certainly a VERY INTIMATE relationship which we had in the days of Egypt, at Thebes.

It's the first time I saw this for you – it was very, very...

“Was it by chance the wallet that brought this to mind?” I wondered right at first. I had the impression of having given you something Egyptian, but I could no longer remember what it was – I'm happy it wasn't that!... I hesitated for barely a moment, then said to myself, “Why?” And what came is that everything, even apparently accidental things, is organized by the same Consciousness for the same ends – it's obvious.

But I found this interesting, so I began looking, and I LIVED the scene, all kinds of scenes of initiation, worship, etc., for quite some time. When that lifted, a light much stronger than the last time [during the last meditation] came down, in a wonderful silence. (I might add that the first thing I did, at the beginning, was to try to establish a silence around you, to insulate you from other things so as to keep your mind quiet; it kept jumping a little, but once this light came down...) And it came down with a very hieratic quality and... (how can I put this?) Egyptian in character – very occult, very occult, very, very distinct, very specific, like this (gesture indicating a block of silence descending).

And then there came a long moment of absolutely motionless contemplation... with something that now escapes me – it may come back.

Then suddenly I went into a little trance. And in it I saw you, but you were... physically, you were on one plane, and then I saw another man on a different plane (I saw him quite concretely; he was rather tall, broad-shouldered – not so tall as broad, with a dark, European suit). And he took your hands and started shaking them enthusiastically! – but you were quite indifferent, just as you are now, dressed in Indian fashion and sitting cross-legged. He took both your hands and started shaking them! And then I distinctly heard the words: “Congratulations, it's a great success!” – it had to do with your book.³ And at the same time, I saw all sorts of people and things who were touched by your book – all kinds of people, obviously French, or Westerners in any case... women, men. There was even one woman (she must have been an actress or a singer or... anyway, someone whose life was... she was even dressed for the stage, with some kind of tights – a beautiful girl!) and she said to someone, “Ah, it has even given me a taste for the spiritual life!” It was extremely interesting... All kinds of things of this nature. And then once again I came out of this trance and... In the end, I tried to do some certain thing for you and it turned out well. It turned out quite well.

But then, just before that, there was this powdering of golden light coming down. And as it descended, it was white with a touch of gold (but it was white) and it came down in a column, with such POWER!... And then, just at the end, this powdering of gold came and settled into this white light which had remained there the whole time – oh, it was so... abundant. A great power of realization. I had a hard time coming out of it! At the start, I had decided to come out of it at half past, so I came out, but still not completely...

So there, my child. And you, what did you feel?

When I meditate with you... When I'm alone, there is never this power, this... It's something else... Sometimes it's strong, but it always lacks this particular quality. There are powerful moments when I'm alone, but not like this.

Of course! I'm also with you there in your room when you meditate, but it does make a difference...

The physical vibration is important. The circumstances relating to the work of transformation make the physical vibration important. I feel it, for as soon as I want to do something with someone on the physical plane (physical, mind you), it all comes into the body. And the body is simply seized... I see that absolutely physical vibrations are being used all the time. It's really so different. All the work which is done at a distance (gesture indicating action stemming from the mind) – it acts, of course, but...

You know, even now, all this (Mother touches her body, her hands) feels so vibrant and alive that it's difficult to sense its limits... as if it extends beyond the body in all directions. It no longer has any limits.

But it's still not luminous in the dark. What is normally luminous in the dark is something else... I had that when I was working with Théon (after returning to France, we had group meditations – though he didn't call it “meditation,” he called it “repose,” and we used to do this in a darkened room), and there was... it was like phosphorescence, exactly the color of phosphorescent light, like certain fish in the water at night. It would come out [of the body], spread forth, move about. But that is the vital, it originates in the vital. It is a force from above, but what manifests is vital. Whereas now it is absolutely, clearly the golden supramental light in... an extraordinary pulsation, vibrant in intensity... But probably it still lacks a... what Théon used to call “density,” an agent that enables it to be seen in the dark – and then it would be visibly gold, not phosphorescent.

But it is very, very concrete, very material.

I wonder if at night... Sometimes it's so intense that I wonder if it doesn't radiate. But I can't see as my eyes are closed!

Again last night, for a large part of the night, it was... the body has no more limits – it's only a great MASS of vibrations.

And the experience just now [during meditation] was somehow mixed with what I usually see at night (it was not a combination – or maybe it was a combination...), for it had that same light... It was a kind of powdering, even finer than tiny dots – a powdering like an atomic dust, but with an EXTREMELY intense vibration... but without any shifting of place. And yet it's in constant motion... Something shifting about within something that vibrates on the same spot without moving (something does move, but it's subtler, like a current of tremendous power which passes through a milieu that doesn't move at all: rather, it vibrates on the same spot with an extreme intensity). But I don't exactly know how it is different from the present experience... It becomes less golden at night, the gold is less visible, whereas the other colors – white, blue and a sort of pink – are much more visible.

Oh, now I remember! It was PINK during the second phase, just afterwards, after Egypt! Oh, it was like... like at the end of a sunrise when it gets very clear and luminous. A magnificent color. And it kept coming down and down, in a flood... that part was new. It's something I see very rarely. It was not there at all the last time we meditated together. And it came filled with such a joy! Oh!... It was absolutely ecstatic. It lasted quite a long time. And from there I went into this trance where I saw (laughing) that man congratulating you! I heard him say (his voice is what roused me from my trance, and then I saw him), “Congratulations, it's a great success!” (Mother laughs)

It's good. We'll have these little meditations from time to time. For me, it's pleasant, for I have neither to restrict nor contain nor veil myself. It's nice.

And I see what's coming down; it's good.

And there is something very happy, very happy, which keeps repeating, “It's good, it's good!” Happy... and rather satisfied because of that.

My impression is that in a while, maybe not in such a distant future, we'll be able to do something, a sort of... it will no longer be personal. We should be able to establish something.⁴

*
*   *

(soon afterwards, when leaving)

Is that all? You have nothing to tell me, nothing to ask?

I'm counting above all on your force to put my body back in order.

Yes, of course! But to be put back in order, it must become a bit stronger. The more fragile you are, the more it breaks down.

All I know is that HERE you must be very careful not to weaken the body's resistance (I don't just mean in India, but here in the Ashram). Here, it's important – the base must be solid, for otherwise it's difficult. The more the Force descends – as it has just now descended – the more the body must be... rather square. It's important.

I've tried everything, you know, from complete fasting to a meat diet – everything, everything. Well, I noticed that you can have pleasant experiences while fasting, but it's not good, it shouldn't be done – these are all old ideas. No, the body must be solid, solid... otherwise...

(Mother gives the disciple a carnation, named by her “Collaboration”)

So, I won't see you again?... No, too many people come in the afternoon, it's not pleasant...

¹ Horus, the sun god, child of Isis and Osiris.
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² According to tradition, Anubis, the jackal-headed god, helped Isis to rebuild the body of her spouse, Osiris, who had been killed and dismembered by his brother Set. Osiris was the first god to rule over men. Owing to certain special rites, Isis, helped by Anubis, succeeded in bringing him back to life. So we are not very far from the legend of Savitri and Satyavan.
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³ L'Orpailleur, which had just been published. The man's description, as a matter of fact, bears a striking resemblance to the publisher.
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⁴ The terrestrial work to be accomplished through the Agenda.
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