The Mother

Agenda

Volume 3

November 3, 1962

(Mother asks Satprem how he is. He did not keep his reply.)

...But it's all right, mon petit, it's going well.

And physically?

Not so good.

Are you eating enough?

Yes, yes.

Are you sure?

It's more a sort of weariness. I spend terrible nights in the subconscient. Over the past six months there's been a really abrupt change in my dreams. Previously I would remember something once in a while; now I remember nothing except the subconscient, and what a subconscient! I'm lucky when it's not hellish.

Mon petit, from that point of view my nights are abominable too – they can't really be abominable because I live in beatitude, but what I see, what I am forced to see each night is horrible. Just horrible. It seems like an attempt to make me thoroughly disgusted with my work. The subconscient is really a mass of horrors. And it's been going on like this for at least six months.

It's a hell of a thing to wake up with!

Yes, it's always when you wake up. It's always the last thing that comes – and what things! If I told you some of them, you'd see, oh.... Of course, I sort them out. I do what's needed and then sweep them away.

At times it's hellish, certain beings and situations....

Yes, frightful, unimaginable situations and ways of being.

(silence)

But I deliberately come into contact with these things. When I “walk” in the morning for japa, it's all systematically put under the supreme Influence, it gets cleared up and sorted out. Some good work gets done.

We mustn't see these things as inescapable, but rather take them as indications of what's being changed.

But it seems endless.

Yes! (Mother laughs) Yes, it seems absolutely limitless.

It could go on like that for centuries.

That's how it seems, bottomless and limitless, combined in ever new and equally horrible ways. But it's not true: it does change. It does change.

And what inventions – sheer horror! Really, the people who are in contact with that world and express it on earth, it's appalling the inventions they can make. Oh, the tortures men have invented, the things they've done – you can't believe it's real. And it all comes from that subconscient world, which means it is indispensable to clean it out.

But... oh, what a tough work! And thankless too. Thankless because no sooner do you think you've come to the end of something (not that you really think so, you know what it's like there, but you still hope...), than it comes back in another form, which seems even worse than the previous one.

We must have endurance, mon petit.

And sometimes it becomes terribly personal, as if you were being personally attacked. I have a whole “theme” of such things which can't even be spoken about because they're too personal – personal in that they appear to involve this body. Last night (ah, by the way, I remember noticing I was physically young – it was in the subtle physical, of course, and I was quite young)... but what a life I led, with so many... oh, revolutions, battles; I was involved in everything, there was tremendous activity. But I was being personally harassed by four or five of the most vile and disgusting old swine, and I had to confront them, hold them in place, keep them under control and make them obey.... Ohh, was I glad to wake up! (It was time to get up; these things always stop automatically because I make it a point to get out of there at four-thirty) But the images, the sensations that went along with it.... Oh, how is it possible! And I was fully conscious of the usefulness of this work: I was keeping them under control.¹ But the things it involves... ugh! Because for me, all knowledge is through identity – even in the subconscient it's a knowledge through identity – so you can imagine what that means....

Yes... oh, there are some horrible beings there!

Horrible (Mother laughs).

All right.

You don't know how to call me... or don't you want to?

I just don't remember!

That's a shame. If you could remember and call me....

I'm more like a witness, watching what's happening to me. When it gets to be too much I wake up, but otherwise I stay there watching, watching – a witness.

Haven't you ever tried before falling asleep....

Of course I have! Before going to sleep I always ask to be conscious and to receive whatever you send me.

No, you must ask to remember to call me when the situation gets unpleasant (Mother laughs); that has rescued people so many, many times, right in the midst of their nightly activity – not at the moment they woke up, no: right in their nighttime consciousness they have seen the results within and around them. Take the story of D., who couldn't get back into his body and called me; it really does have an effect, especially on that sort of beings. Thank God (laughing) they're afraid of me – I have an effect on them.

Ah, it's interesting. We have to endure, that's all.

We have to endure. And have courage.

Au revoir, petit.

¹ In the next conversation, Mother added: “For example, if someone wants to enter some place, you needn't say, 'Don't enter'; you do what's necessary and he cannot enter, he tries but he can't – that's what I call 'keeping under control.' I didn't need to speak to or touch them: the Force was doing the work.”

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