I had an experience some time ago (about something unimportant, but anyway). I took some notes, I don't remember where they are (they were in English, in the form of an answer to a letter).The Mother
Agenda
Volume 5
July 22, 1964
I had an experience some time ago (about something unimportant, but anyway). I took some notes, I don't remember where they are (they were in English, in the form of an answer to a letter).
I saw, almost simultaneously, love as people “practice” it, if we may say so, and feel it, and divine Love in its origin. Both were as if shown to me side by side, and not only were they side by side, but I saw also the difference (it was almost simultaneous) between the two actions: how human action is generated and how divine action is produced or manifests. It came through a series of examples or absolutely concrete experiences, lived one after the other, as if a superior Wisdom had organized a whole set of circumstances (circumstances which in themselves were minor, “unimportant”) in order to give me the living example of those two things. It was such a concrete and living whole that I took some notes, very succinct and reduced to the minimum as always, and in English. All that is somewhere around, mixed up with other papers.
(the first note, found again later:)
Unlike human love which is for some and not for the others, my love is for the Supreme Lord alone, but as the Supreme Lord is all, my love is for all equally.
The Lord's love is equal, constant, all-embracing, immutable, eternal.
(the second note:)
Unlike in human beings, the action is not governed by feelings or principles, but by the “dharma” of each being or thing, known through identity.
I will tell you the second experience first, because it's a phenomenon of daily experience, a daily observation. And it's one of the chief reasons why it's impossible for ordinary human beings to understand a being who acts from what we could call “divine impulse.” Because all human activity is based on reactions, which are themselves the result of feelings and sensations, and, for people 
who are considered “superior” and who act according to reason, is based on principles of action – everyone has his range of principles on which he bases his action (this is so well known that there's not much point in talking about it). But the other fact is interesting: for instance, when a human being loves someone (what he calls “love”) or doesn't love someone, his reactions to the SAME phenomenon – the SAME phenomenon – are, not always opposite, but extremely different, to such an extent that ordinary human judgment is based on those reactions. It would be better to take a very precise example: that of disciples and Master. The disciples almost never understand the Master, but they have opinions of him and of his ways of acting; they see and they say, “The Master did such and such a thing, he acts with this person in such and such a way and with that other person in such and such other way, therefore he loves this person and doesn't love that one.” I am putting it very bluntly, but that's the way it is.
All this is based on experiences of every minute, here.
All human action is based on that – for them, that's the way it is; they won't act with this person in the same way as with that one, even in similar circumstances, because, as they say, they “love” this one, but not that one. Therefore, in one case, the Master loves, and in another case, he doesn't – (laughing) simple!
So I said that human action is based on reactions. Divine action, on the other hand, SPONTANEOUSLY stems from the vision through identity of the necessity of the “dharma” of each thing and each being. It is a constant perception, spontaneous, effortless, through identity, of the dharma of each being (I use the word “dharma” because it's neither “law” nor “truth,” but both together). In order for this being to go by the shortest way to his goal, here is the curve of the most favorable circumstances; consequently the action will always be modeled on that curve. The result is that in seemingly similar circumstances, the action of the divine Wisdom will sometimes be completely different, at times even opposite. But then, how do you explain this to the ordinary consciousness?... In one case, the Master “loves” this person, while in the other he doesn't “love” him – it's easy!
It was so clear! And such a constant, constantly repeated experience that it's really very interesting. It's very clear that it's impossible for the disciples to understand; even if they are told, “What is done is done because of each being's dharma,” for them it's just words; it doesn't correspond to a living experience, they can't feel it.
So once and for all, I've given up all hope of anyone at all understanding why and how I act. Because it's true, now I can say (it has come about progressively), I can say in an absolute way, after looking at it for several months, that my actions are not the result of a reaction – neither an intellectual reaction nor a mental reaction, nor a vital reaction, nor, of course, an emotional reaction, nor even a physical reaction. Now, even the body instantly refers all that comes to it to the Supreme, automatically.
This experience came regarding a simply personal question, to make me understand how things happen and how useless it is to hope that people will ever understand; it was on the occasion of a host of silly little events that occur constantly and make people repeat, “Mother said, Mother felt, Mother did, Mother...” and so on – and all the squabbles. And I was put forcibly into that whole muddle. For a time, I used to worry, I wondered, “Can't I make them understand?” Well, I have seen that it's impossible, so I don't bother about it anymore. I simply said to those who have goodwill, “Don't listen to what people tell you; when they come and tell you, ‘Mother said, Mother wanted ...,’ don't believe a word of it, that's all; let them say what they like, it doesn't matter.”
But the other experience, which came first and is now continuous (it hasn't left me, which is quite rare: usually, experiences come, assert themselves, impose themselves, then they fade away to be replaced by others; but in this case, it didn't go, it's continuous), this other experience is of a more general order....
Human love, what people call “love,” even at its best, even taking it in its purest essence, is something that goes to one person, but not to another: you love SOME people (sometimes even you love only certain qualities in some people); you love SOME people, and that means it's partial and limited. And even for those who are incapable of hatred there is a number of people and things that they are indifferent to: there is no love (in most cases). That love is limited, partial and defined. It's unstable, moreover: man (I mean the human being) is unable to feel love in a continuous way, always with the same intensity – at certain times, for a moment, it becomes very intense and powerful, and at other times it grows dim; sometimes, it falls completely asleep. And that's under the best conditions – I am not speaking of all the degradations, I am speaking of the feeling people call “love,” which is the feeling closest to true love; that's how it is: partial, limited, unstable and fluctuating.
Then, immediately, without transition, it was as if I was plunged in a bath of the Supreme's Love... with the sensation of something limitless; in other words, when you have the perception of space, that something is everywhere (it's beyond the perception of space, but if you have the perception of space, it's everywhere). And it's a kind of homogenous vibratory mass, IMMOBILE, yet with an unparalleled intensity of vibration, which can be described as a warm, golden light (but it's not that, it's much more marvelous than that!). And then, it's everywhere at once, everywhere always the same, without alternations of high and low, unchanging, in an unvarying intensity of sensation. And that “something” which is characteristic of divine nature (and is hard to express with words) is at the same time absolute immobility and absolute intensity of vibration. And That... loves. There is no “Lord,” there are no “things”; there is no subject, no object. And That loves. But how can you say what That is?... It's impossible. And That loves everywhere and everything, all the time, all at the same time.
All those stories those so-called saints and sages told about God's Love “coming and going,” oh, it's unspeakably stupid! – It's THERE, eternally; It has always been there, eternally; It will always be there, eternally, always the same and at the highest of its possibility.
It hasn't left, and now it won't be able to leave.
And once you've lived That... you become so irrevocably conscious that everything depends on the individual perception, entirely; and naturally, that individual perception [of divine Love] depends on the inadequacy, the inertia, the incomprehension, the incapacity, the cells' inability to hold and keep the Vibration, anyway all that man calls his “character” and which comes from his animal evolution.
(silence)
It is said that divine Love doesn't manifest because, in the world's present state of imperfection, the result would be a catastrophe – that's a human vision. Divine Love manifests, has manifested eternally, will manifest eternally, and it's the incapacity of the material world... not only of the material world, but of the vital world and the mental world, and of many other worlds that aren't ready, that are incapable – but HE is there, He is there, right there! He is there permanently: it's THE Permanence. The Permanence Buddha sought is there. He claims he found it in Nirvana – it is there, in Love.
(silence)
Since that experience came, there has no longer even been in the consciousness that sort of care I took for years not to concentrate too much Force or Power, or Light or Love, on beings and things for fear of upsetting their natural growth – that seems so childish! It's there, it's there, it's there – it is there. And it's for things themselves that it's impossible to feel more of it than they can bear.
(silence)
As soon as I have one minute to meditate, that is to say, as soon as I am not assailed from every side by people, things, events, as soon as I can simply do this (gesture of drawing within) and look, well, I see that the cells themselves are beginning to learn the Vibration.
It is obviously the agent of the creation.
And I said that that sort of “rain of Truth-Light” which came a few months ago1 announced something – it has obviously prepared, started this kind of permeation of a superior Harmony into the material vibrations. It has prepared not a “new descent,” but the possibility of a new perception, a perception that allows an outward and physical action.
(silence)
We should use another word; what men call “love” is so many different things, with such different mixtures and such different vibrations that it can't be called “love,” it can't be given a single name. So it's better simply to say, “No, this isn't Love,” that's all. And keep the word for the True Thing.... The word amour [love] in French has a certain evocative power because, whenever I pronounce it, it makes contact; that's why I'd rather keep it. As for all the rest: no, don't talk of love, it isn't love.
I said and wrote somewhere, “Love is not sexual intercourse. Love is not attraction.... Love is not...” and so on, and in the end I said, “Love is an almighty vibration coming straight from the One....”2 It was a first perception of That.
But it's a fantastic discovery, in the sense that once you have discovered it, it won't leave you no matter what happens. You 
may have your attention turned elsewhere while you are at work, as for instance last night when I had a quite symbolic activity: for an hour I went around all the Ashram rooms, and I wanted to find an armchair in a corner where I could sit down and do a certain inner work – it was impossible! I went from room to room, and in every room there was a group of people, one or two people, or several groups of several people, each with a “marvelous” discovery, a “marvelous” invention, a “marvelous” project – each one had brought the most marvelous thing he had! And each one wanted to show it to me and demonstrate it. So I was looking and looking (they were people I know; it must be the expression of their best thoughts: it was really full of a great goodwill [Mother laughs]), but there were scores and scores of them! I would simply look, say a word or two, then I would take a few steps in the hope of finding a solitary corner and an armchair in which I could do my work; and I was going from room to room, from room to room.... It lasted an hour. One hour of invisible life is extremely long. I woke up, in other words, I emerged from that state... without having been able to find an armchair! I woke up just as I said to myself, “It's no use trying” (there were corners with armchairs, but with so many people that it was impossible to go there), “No use trying, it'll be the same everywhere, it's useless, I'll go back into myself,” and as soon as I decided to go back into myself, it was over.
Obviously, in those activities, I don't have recourse to divine Love to find the solution of the problem – I am not allowed to do so. So I understand that this is what was translated in people's thought by the idea that divine Love cannot manifest entirely, otherwise there would be catastrophes3 – it's not that at all, that's not at all the way it is. But it's clear that in my consciousness the [supreme] contact has been made (with some degree of limitation, but still it has been made), and nothing takes place – nothing, absolutely nothing, not even the most totally in-sig-nif-i-cant things – without, I can't even say the “thought” or the “sensation” (in English they say awareness, but it's much fuller than that), the feeling (another impossible word), without the feeling of the Lord's Presence, the supreme Presence, being there twenty-four hours a day. Throughout that activity of the night I've just told you about, He was there, the Lord's Presence was there all the time, every second, directing everything, organizing everything – BUT THAT 
WASN'T THERE. And That, which I call Love, that Manifestation, is so formidably powerful that, as I once said, it is intolerant of anything else – That alone exists.... That exists, That is – and it's finished. Whereas the Lord (the “Lord,” what I call the Lord) is something else altogether; the Lord is all that has manifested, all that hasn't manifested, all that is, all that will be, and all, all is the Lord – it's the Lord. But the Lord (laughing) is necessarily tolerant of Himself!... All is the Lord, but all is perceived by the Lord through the limitations of human perception!4 But everything, everything is there – everything is there; everything, as it is every second; and with the perception of time, every second is different, in a perpetual becoming. This is supreme Tolerance: there is no more struggle, no more battle, no more destruction – there is only He.
Those who have had this experience have generally stopped there. And if they wanted to get out of the world, they chose the Lord's “aspect of annihilation”; they took refuge there and stayed there – all the rest no longer existed. But the other aspect... the other aspect is the world of tomorrow, or of the day after tomorrow. The other aspect is an inexpressible glory. So all-powerful a glory that it alone exists.
It's ONE way of being of the Lord.
(silence)
This experience is a milestone on the road.
To come back to the ordinary world, the result is the epidemic in the Ashram,5 it's people who lose their self-control, it's... and so forth. But I CANNOT see things the way they do – I cannot find it so catastrophic! It's like when people leave their bodies, they're in tears – I can't! I just can't. You know, when you put something in a pot to cook, it boils.
(silence)
But the remarkable thing is that you are the only person to whom I can speak – not that I didn't try [during Satprem's trip to France], because I had the feeling that if certain things went away, it might be a pity. I tried with Nolini and Pavitra: nothing comes out, except a sort of mental transcription.
When I called you Satprem, that's what I meant: you must certainly have the capacity to come into contact with That.
And That is... I don't know if this world (I am not talking of the earth alone, but of the present universe), if this world will be followed by others or if it will itself go on, or if... but That, which I am talking about and calling “Love,” is the Master of this world.
The day when the earth (because we were promised it, and they aren't vain promises), the day the earth manifests That, it will be a glory.
I've had very faint and momentary perceptions of what it could be – it was beautiful. It was magnificent.
And the physical world is made to express Beauty; if it became harmonious instead of being the ignoble thing it is, if it became harmonious, it would have an exceptional vibratory quality!... It's rather curious: the vital world is magnificent, the mental world has its splendors, the overmental world with all its gods (who are existing beings, I know them well) is truly very beautiful; but I tell you, since I had that Contact, I have found all that hollow – hollow and... lacking the essential.
And that essential thing, in its principle, is here, on earth.
1 See conversations of January 29 and March 4, 1964.
2 See Agenda IV, September 25, p. 319.
3 It was in fact Mother herself who had this thought: see Agenda IV. August 24, 1963, p. 283-284.
4 Mother later repeated: “It is the Lord perceiving Himself through human limitations.”
5 More than 300 cases of fever.