The Mother

Agenda

Volume 5

October 14, 1964

You seem to have quite a cold!

Yes! (Mother laughs) It's odd, I have been with people who had all sorts of things, including fever, and I didn't catch anything;, and the other day, Z came....

They have again made a mess at the School, they are seized with such terrible whims of independence! Do you know the story?... They put together a big display board on “sleep” for the children's education (that's their affair), but then they put at the bottom, without asking for my permission, a quotation of mine, which I am supposed to have written in 1952 and in which I am supposed to have said that children should be in bed by 9. Now, they show films till 9:30 or 10. So I received a shower of letters, from kids asking me, “What should we do?...” As for me, I don't understand a thing, and I ask what that “quotation” is. Then I learn that not only did they stick it at the bottom of their display board, but they also circulated a note of mine in which I say, “Children should go to bed at 9.” I said, “What!” I never had that circulated! Maybe I said it years ago, but I said it “just like that,” like a remark that “it would be better”.... It caused quite a to-do, I've been assailed with protests. So when Z came, I asked him to explain this affair. He told me what they had done; it seems that the teachers, seeing that poster with my quotation (probably the teachers who don't like films or who are “against” this one or that one and found this was a good opportunity to kick up a row), said and VOTED among themselves that it should be made into a circular! They simply forgot to ask my permission.

I told Z, “Well, really, that's going a bit too far!” And he was probably upset, because suddenly something came through him: it was like black little darts (they didn't come from him directly – maybe they came from the teachers!), little black darts that rushed at my throat. I felt it: it went ztt! I said, “Oh, what's that?” And I struggled; but I struggled against a sore throat, and indeed it didn't happen – it turned into a cold!

In this School, they have a terrible tendency to turn everything into a system.

Yes, systems, rules....

They make a system, a formula out of everything, they have all their “ideas”...

Yes, yes.

... And they fuss around. The subtle impression I get of it all isn't good.

(Here Mother hands Satprem a letter of explanation from the author of the poster. The letter gives the references of Mother's quotation: a personal letter from Mother to a disciple... written ten years earlier.)

That's it! A totally private letter! What right do they have to display it?

But they do that constantly, with everything – they cut Sri Aurobindo into bits, they cut Mother into bits, and there you are: it's the Law, the Rule, the Principle.

Exactly, exactly!

They have no common sense. Common sense completely escapes them.

Yes. And now, he [the author of the poster] is in the right and I am in the wrong!

(silence)

When I was there at the Playground,¹ after ten minutes (that was probably because of my presence), all the little children were deeply asleep, and as it isn't cold and they were lying on mats, they would sleep there quietly till the end of the show.

True, at that time films were shown only once a week. Nowadays, you know how it is, it's the competitiveness: everyone wants to bring films. So one turned to the French embassy, another turned to the British embassy, another to the American embassy, another to the Russian, German, Italian embassies.... From all the embassies, they're pouring in. And how do you make a choice? How do you decide without hurting one or the other? Before, it was agreed that films would be shown only on Saturday, so that on Sunday morning they could get up an hour later if they felt sleepy. Now, in effect, it takes place two or three times a week. But that's the fault of these people! Everyone took pride in bringing films from his embassy. How can you refuse some and accept others?

But to me, those film shows aren't the biggest obstacle, I don't think so. What's much worse is all those comics they read – they spend their time reading those things.

And the worst of all – the worst of all – is when the family arrives! Oh!... Those parents are horrid beings, they tell them just the opposite of what we tell them, and then they argue and quarrel in front of them, they tell them all the family's little stories.

I think it's useless to put a child to bed if he isn't going to sleep – he needs to be peaceful before going to sleep. If they were given a somewhat peaceful atmosphere, they would be able to sleep....

This brought back to my mind all kinds of things from my childhood, from my infancy. My grandmother lived next door to us, and at night (in the evening after dinner), we used to visit her before going to bed. I can't say it was great fun, but she had very good armchairs (!), and so while my mother chatted with her, I had one of those splendid sleeps there, lying in that armchair – a blissful kind of sleep. But if someone had watched this from outside, without knowing anything, he would have said, “Just look! They force this child to stay awake till 10 instead of letting her sleep.” But I'd be resting wonderfully!

So it depends on the child. And if he really feels sleepy, what prevents him from sleeping? What's required is to give them a peaceful atmosphere, as much peace as possible.

But they are constantly trying to make general laws, when it's always an individual question.

Absolutely.

And a question of experience – of speaking from one's experience. But they want a Law, a constant Law in all the details.

It's easier! Yes, laws, laws, laws. They haven't understood yet.

I would have nothing to say against that poster if there had been several quotations, with mine among the others; but what I rose up against is that they used it as a circular which they sent to all the Departments! And it was a private letter.

If at least this quotation had been among several others... but one should ALWAYS put in the complementary quotations – and they never do.

I remember, once, they held an exhibition on Germany at the Library. They put up a long quotation from Sri Aurobindo in which he said, Here is what the Germans THINK OF THEMSELVES... and there followed a whole quotation – oh, what a quotation! Anyway, they are the race of the future, of geniuses, they will save the world and so on. But they put up the whole thing... without the first sentence! So I arrive there (at the time, I could see clearly), and what do I see! I remembered what Sri Aurobindo had written, “Here is what the Germans THINK OF THEMSELVES,” so I told them, “But you forgot the most important thing, you must add this.” You should have seen their faces, mon petit!...

It's this dishonesty that's frightening – they cut out and remove all that bothers them and leave only what suits them.

I've said it many a time: when you put in a quotation from Sri Aurobindo, you should always put in the opposite quotation to show that he said everything and foresaw everything, and that he puts everything in its proper place.

But they don't like it!

There's also the story of that poor T. He gathered up from Sri Aurobindo's books all the passages in which he says that mind is indispensable to man (Mother laughs), that mind is the means of progress, that without mind life would be incomplete, etc. – there are many such passages, of course!... And he forgot all the others. So as I am full of mischief, I gathered up (laughing) all the other passages and bombarded him with them!

He took it as a personal offense!

And all those who come and tell me, “But you said this two years ago, and that three years ago, and this...” I tell them, “Yes, and now I am saying the opposite!... And I may very well say the same thing again in a few years!”

It's difficult to drive it into their heads.

Yes, their heads are like this (padlocking gesture).

That's the real evil at the School, and there is one: a tendency to turn everything into a system.

Yes. Dogmatism.

But that's what changed teachings into religions, everywhere – everywhere.

If you left, it would be terrible....

They had a meeting with people from England or Europe, in which they said, “Oh, the world needs a new religion, now is the time to give it a new religion....” And they wanted to take Sri Aurobindo's name and make a new religion out of it! So I answered them, “The time of religions is over.” They didn't understand, mon petit, they were appalled! I wrote it to them without explanation, the way you fling something to shake things up: “The time of religions is over, this is the age of universal spirituality” (“universal” in the sense of containing EVERYTHING and adapting to everything). So they answered me, “We don't understand, but anyway... (laughing) since you tell us, we accept it.” So I added an explanation in the Bulletin (the explanation isn't as strong, but I had to try and make myself understood), I said that religions are based on spiritual experiences brought down to a level where mankind can grasp them, and that the new phase must be that of spiritual experience in its purity, not brought down to a lower level.²

But this too is hard to understand.

Anyway... it gives me colds!

Yes, that's true, that's what gives colds, it's dogmatism, which rigidifies, hardens, takes away life.

They are convinced that they are right and I am wrong, and it's out of a sort of “benevolent respect” for me (Mother laughs) and of politeness that they don't tell me, “Really, you're exaggerating, we were right.”

Ah, let's work!...

*
*   *

I have received a letter from my brother.... Among other things, he says this: “I am in effect too ‘dead’ to write.... My days are harassed... they're a whirlwind of responses to be given instantly to those who cast on me their suffering, their glance or their question. I have to keep hold of the thread of my great peace through all this so as not to be torn apart.”

...These last few nights, an experience has been developing. There is a sort of objectification, like scenes unfolding in which I am one of the characters; but it isn't “me,” it is some character or other that I play in order to have the double consciousness, the ordinary consciousness and the true consciousness at the same time. There was a whole series of experiences to show simultaneously the True Thing and the sort of half-death (it's his word that makes me think of this – “I am too dead...”), the half-death of the mind. In those experiences, the state of ordinary mentality is something dry (not exactly hard because it's crumbly), lifeless, without vibration – dry, cold; and as a color, it's always grayish. And then, there is a maximum tension, an effort to understand and remember and know – know what you should do; when you go somewhere, know how you should go there; know what people are going to do, know... Everything, you see, is a perpetual question of the mind (it's subconscious in the mind – some are conscious of it, but even in those who are apparently quiet, it's there constantly – that tension to know). And it's a sort of superficial thing, shallow, cold and dry, WITHOUT VIBRATION. At the same time, as if in gusts, the true consciousness comes, as a contrast. And it happens in almost cinematographic circumstances (there is always a story, to make it more living). For instance, last night (it's one story among many, many others), the “I” that was conscious then (which isn't me, you understand), the “I” that was playing had to go somewhere: it was with other people in a certain place and had to go through the town to another place. And she knew nothing, neither the way nor the name of the place she was going to, nor the person she had to see – she knew nothing. She knew nothing, but she knew she had to go. So then, that tension: how, how can you know? How can you know? And questioning people, asking questions, trying to explain, “You know, it's like this and like that ...,” innumerable details (it lasts for hours). And now and then, a flood of light – a warm, golden, living, comfortable light – and the feeling that everything is prearranged, that all that will have to be known will be known, that the way has been prepared beforehand – that all you have to do is let yourself live! It comes like that, in gusts. But then, there is an intensity of contrast between that constant effort of the mind, which is an enormous effort of tension and concentrated will, and then... and then that glory. That comfortable glory, you know, in which you let yourself go in trusting happiness: “But everything is ready, everything is luminous, everything is known!... All you have to do is let yourself live.” All you have to do is let yourself live.

It's as if a play were performed to make it more living, more real – one subject, another subject, this, that.... If you enter a certain state, then another time enter the other state, you can remember the difference and it's useful, but in this form of a play, with the double consciousness, the opposition becomes so real, so concrete that... you come out of it wondering, “How can you go on living in this aberration when you have once TOUCHED – touched, experienced the True Thing?”

It's as if the body were being dealt with like a child who has to be educated. Because that mind I am talking about is the physical mind, the material mind (not the speculative mind: the vibration isn't the same at all), it's the mind OF THE EARTH, the mind of everyday life, the mind you carry along in your every movement and which tires the body so much!... Such a tension, an anguish – living is an anguish. Yes, the feeling of a living death.

This morning, when I came out of it, I said to myself, “That's odd....” But the body is learning its lesson; that way, it's learning its lesson. And yet it goes on with that nasty habit of wanting rules, of wanting to know in advance what it should do, of wanting to know in advance how it should do it, of organizing its life within a straitjacket, instead of letting itself live.

Exactly the same story with the School.

It is building an iron cage for yourself and getting into it.

It was exactly that.

Trying to explain to someone, “You know, it's a place like this or like that, and the person there is like this – you know, that person who did such and such a thing....”

You try out a number of landmarks... in order to build yourself a cage. And then, suddenly, a breath – a luminous, golden, warm, relaxed, comfortable breath: “Oh, but it's obvious, that's how it is! But I will be CARRIED quite naturally to the place – what's all this complication!?”

It is the body learning its lesson. It's learning its lesson.

It's also learning the lesson of “illness” – of the illusion of illness Oh, that's very, very amusing. Very amusing. The difference between the thing itself, as it is, the particular kind of disorder, whatever it is, and the old habit of feeling and receiving the thing, the ordinary habit, what people call an illness: “I am ill.” That's very amusing. And ALWAYS, if you stay truly still (it's difficult to be really and truly still – in the vital and mind, it's very easy, but in the body's cells, to be perfectly still WITHOUT BEING TAMASIC is a little difficult, it has to be learned), but when you are able to be truly still, there is ALWAYS a little light – a warm little light, very bright and wonderfully still, behind; as if it were saying, “You only have to will.” Then the body's cells panic: “Will, how? How can I? The illness is on me, I am overcome. How can I will? It's AN ILLNESS” – the whole drama (and that wasn't in sleep: I was completely awake, it was this morning), it's “an illness.” Then something with a general wisdom says, “Calm down, calm down, (laughing) don't remain attached to your illness! Calm down. As if you wished to be ill! Calm down.” So they consent – “consent,” you know, like a child who has been scolded, “All right, very well, I'll try.” They try – immediately, that light comes again: “You only have to will.” And once or twice, for one thing or another (because the Disorder is something general: you may suffer at any spot, have a disorder at any spot if you accept a certain vibration), on THIS POINT, you consent – the next minute, it's over. Not the next minute: a few seconds and it's over. Then the cells remember: “But how come? I had a pain here...” – pop! It all comes back. And the whole drama unfolds like that, constantly.

So if they really learned the lesson...

Things come from outside, you can't always stop them from coming; it's like what I told you, those little black darts (you don't keep guard, you don't spend all your time protecting yourself!). But if, at that moment, you had the true attitude... It was curious enough, because it came to the throat, and it rather bothered me, I don't like it when it comes there; so I concentrated so it wouldn't be there, and it didn't come there... (laughing) it turned into a cold!

Oh, they are learning their lesson all the time, all the time. Everything, all that happens is ALWAYS a lesson – always. Always, always: all the quarrels, all the difficulties, all the troubles, all the so-called illnesses, everything, all the disorders are to make you learn a lesson – as soon as you've learned the lesson, it's over! But then, you are so slow and heavy, you take so much time to realize that it's a lesson that it drags on and on and on.

And for everything, like that question of money this morning, it was a lesson to be learned. But it isn't an individual lesson, you understand; the trouble is that it doesn't depend on one individual: it depends on groups, or on a certain type of individual, or on a way of being of human life, or... It's the WHOLE that has to learn the lesson.

Maybe... maybe if there is a symbolic being (it's what I am beginning to ask myself), if there is a symbolic being who has the power (it takes a great deal of endurance!), the power to CONTAIN the representation of all those disorders and to work on that symbolic representation, it must help the whole. Because if an entire human way of being has to change for the Victory to be won, it's going to take millions of years! That may be why there are symbolic beings.

That's what I am now asking myself.

In the realm of ideas, there aren't any problems, everything was resolved long ago – the problem is in the fact, in the material fact of the body.... It is beginning to learn its lesson. It's beginning to learn. And then, instead of the selfish answer that consists in saying, “Ah, no! I don't want that, I don't want any of it! (Laughing) I am above that weakness and disorder,” let it come, accept it and see what the solution is. In other words, instead of the old problem – rejection of life, rejection of the difficulty, rejection of the disorder and the flight into Nirvana – it's the acceptance of everything – and Victory.

This is really (as far as I know) the new thing Sri Aurobindo has brought. Not only the idea that it's possible, but that it's the true solution, and the idea that we can start now. I am not saying we'll reach the end now, I don't know, but the idea is that we can begin right now, the time has come when we can begin, and it's the only true solution, the other solution is no solution – well, it was a necessary experiment in the universal march, but flight is no solution: the solution is Victory. And the time has come when we can try.

All ordinary common sense (which is still triumphant in this world) tells me, “What illusions you nurse, my child! You arrange things to your satisfaction, you're sugarcoating the pill for yourself,” and so on, it comes like that, regularly, in waves. Well... it's also part of the problem. But a time will come when certain truths will be acknowledged as true and no longer disputed; then the Work will be easier. But in order to get there, there has to be at least a beginning of experience, a beginning of realization that enables you to say, “But here is the proof.”

This seems to me to be the process under way.

It is a rather obscure labor that's going on at the moment.... I remember the day when Sri Aurobindo told me (we were still in the other house), he told me, “Yes, you are doing an overmental work, a creation of the Overmind, you will work heaps of miracles and the whole world will admire you!... But that is not the Truth we want.” I told you the story. Well, this memory very often comes to my aid. I said, “That's right, we don't care for the fanfare of popular victory!”

It's without glory. But it doesn't need any glory at all! I said to him, “I don't need glory and I don't care a whit for public admiration! (Laughing) That has no place in my consciousness.”

But I understand.... Oh, how there are deeper ways to understand things!

The body is learning its lesson.

(Satprem prepares to leave)

With this cold, I can't see anymore at all, not even to write.

But just imagine, I have some important “birthday cards” to write, and I was warned one month in advance! I was warned, I was told repeatedly, “Write these things down.” So common sense says, “But there's time!” – “Write these things down.” So I wrote them down. And now, if I had to write them, it would be quite a bother!

All the time, all the time, I receive indications, which seem so trite!... And for everything, the smallest thing: “Don't put this object like this: put it like that” (Mother moves an object on her table), and suddenly something happens and it breaks or falls.... It's really very interesting.

(Mother consults her timetable) Streams, dozens of people write to me, “I WANT to see you, I WANT to see you....” That's how it is: “I WANT to see you on my birthday, I WANT...” Now I answer very bluntly, “Impossible, no time,” without any explanation. But some days, I am free, so the list gets longer, there are fifteen, twenty, twenty-five people. If you think about it, it appears impossible; you go there, you put yourself in a certain state, you call the Lord and live in His Eternity – and then it's over before you even know it!

Life is on the verge of becoming wonderful – but we don't know how to live it. We still have to learn. When we truly learn, it will be something.

¹ Where films are shown.

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² Here is Mother's exact text, as it was published in the August issue of the Ashram's Bulletin: “Why do men cling to a religion? Religions are based on creeds which are spiritual experiences brought down to a level where they become more easy to grasp, but at the cost of their integral purity and truth. The time of religions is over. We have entered the age of universal spirituality, of spiritual experience in its initial purity.”

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