The Mother

Agenda

Volume 6

November 6, 1965

Are you better?

Not really.

Oh!... (Laughing) What's to be done!?

At night, the last two or three nights, but especially last night (in the middle of the night, after midnight), and for at least two hours, I am carried away in a movement, but a frightfully swift movement! I am lying on something which is a sort of silvery light – a silvery light. And I am lying on it, enveloped in it, and carried away in such a dizzying movement that... you feel as if your head is going to break.

And there are people with me – you are one of them.

Really?

Yes!

Last night it lasted two hours. And you feel like holding on to something, because it's so dizzying.... I don't know, last night, in the middle of the experience I became a little conscious, and it was... (gesture expressing a fantastic movement). But the Command came: “Quiet, quiet, don't move, quiet,” so I didn't move. And it lasted almost two hours. And the movement is head first (not feet first), head first, it's the head that's pulled.

All I know is that it has to do with the transformation of the body. But how does one know that it's fast? There is nothing but the movement and the body's sense of being carried away dizzyingly.

And I noticed a few people – you were there. Prrtt! at full speed, like that. I said to myself (laughing), “It must be to cure him!” But a movement... I tell you, the consciousness just woke up, I wanted to start observing, and immediately the Command came, “Quiet, quiet, don't move, quiet, nothing must move.”

It must be at the time of the night when you really sleep. It's after midnight and before two in the morning.

But there is nothing to remember: one seems to be whisked along, like that – maybe it's the speed of comets! I told myself it was a drastic treatment, as they say in English.

But the other night (it had come two or three times already), it wasn't so strong. Last night, it was so strong and it lasted such a long time... I thought, “Maybe tomorrow morning he'll have a smile....” But it didn't work! (Mother laughs)

What I see is rather unpleasant.

At night? What do you see?

I have seen all sorts of things.

No, these last few days?

Attacked. It comes up from the waters.

Of the vital.

From the sea?

No, black waters.

Oh, the dark human vital.

Very aggressive snakes. And mentally, too, I receive very violent things.

What do you mean?

I am assailed. If I listened to what comes, it would mean insanity. If I let go... You understand, it comes again and again and charges down. It's very unpleasant. And a suffering deep down – a suffering.

Give me an example of the suggestions you receive.

Generally it's about you or about the Ashram.

About me?

Yes, generally. Or about what I do, what I am (or am not).

Don't you know where it comes from?

No. But some time ago, a phenomenon occurred, which might be related to that. I saw Patrick, you remember?¹

Oh!

He was trying to drive some sort of splinter into my head, and I felt it was extremely dangerous. Then I said OM, and everything vanished – I was lucky to remember! But anyway, there are things attacking me very strongly.

But you should use that every time.

Well, yes, if one can! One isn't always lucky enough to remember.

(Mother laughs) You are teachable, no?

And what are you told about me? Just to know the quality.

They are details, rather....

I mean, they accuse me, or tell you I don't take care of you or...?

Not that. It's rather about my relationship with you, or the impossibility of certain contacts, or... I find peace only when I go above; I say, “Well, yes, let us look at THE Mother,” up above.

Yes, that's right.

Then everything falls quiet.

It's to make you realize the infirmity of the outside world! (Laughing) But you know me, don't you!

Anyway, it's not pleasant.... Or else, it falls upon me all of a sudden and it's really like a suffering – without words or explanation – a suffering deep down, a flame of suffering.

(Long silence) It will pass.

*
*   *

(Then Mother takes up the translation of “Savitri” and stops abruptly, as if she were following something with her eyes:)

...As big as this, a sun, a sun scintillating with Sri Aurobindo's light, when I write, between me and the notebook, and it moves about with the pen! It's this big (a big orange), it's Sri Aurobindo's light, blue, that special blue, silver blue, scintillating, and it moves about every time I write in this notebook! (Laughing) That's why I have difficulty seeing: it moves about with the pen!

*
*   *

Soon afterwards, Dr. Sanyal enters, signaling lunch time.

Ah, here's the doctor, that means we're late!

A day will come when I will be on time.... Maybe by moving dizzyingly I'll end up...

You've been in a car at more than sixty miles an hour, haven't you?... It feels motionless in comparison to that Speed. It wasn't physical since my bed wasn't moving, but it was so swift, so swift that you could feel the friction of speed. And head first: it went head first. It didn't go feet first because I was lying and I didn't go feet first: I went head first, brrf I as if sucked along by something. And my eyes were open. But naturally, the body wasn't moving – visibly, at least, it wasn't moving!... Oh, I remember, yes, the night before, it was the house that was moving; I was in a room that was moving with that same swiftness, and I was watching everything hurtling and hurtling past, it was fantastic! And yesterday, it wasn't the house, it was only... a sort of column... how can I explain? It wasn't a column – a strip. I was there on that strip, but I was very tall, I took up a lot of room; there were lots of people, and they were small (Mother draws small figures), a lot, brrf!

Yes, yes, I remember, the previous night, it was the room that was moving: a square room; and there weren't any walls, there were just windows, and it was rushing and rushing, what a race it was!... Then everything stopped abruptly, finished – not finished, not stopped: the consciousness changes, there is a reversal of consciousness, so it's over.

Yes, I remember now. First a room without anything – anything – an absolute empty space; there was nothing except that strip. Oh, do you remember those moving walkways? Something like that, but instead of a walkway, it was a strip of silvery light, and it was the strip that was moving. A strip of silvery light with little sparkles. I was lying on it (quite a few people were lying on it, too), and it was zooming!...

¹ A disciple who was a friend of Satprem's; he had died insane seven or eight years earlier and Satprem had assisted him in a Japanese mental hospital.

Back