April 27, 1968
Do you have news of P.L.? I heard he's ill.
Yes, not a good letter.... I have two things: one letter from P.L. and one about him. Here is P.L.'s [Satprem reads a letter in which P. L. writes that he fell ill as soon as he came back to the Vatican, that he could not see the Pope, is in despair, incapable, etc.].
He doesn't have the strength. That's what I feared. The influence is too strong (gesture to show P.L. caught in a grip). And the other letter?
It's a letter from Monsignor R., a friend of P.L. He is a billionaire, and it's P. L., in fact, who manages this Monsignor's billions. He wrote to J. [P.L.'s friend], saying this [Satprem reads a letter in which Msgr. R. asks J. to give P.L. urgent help by receiving him in her Pondicherry home and looking after him, as the case is very serious and P.L. is going through a “psychological crisis” and must break out of his milieu, etc.].
He'd better come.
And what did J. say?
Oh, that's another problem. J. told me, “Impossible.” She has a reaction against P.L., because P.L. is desperately clinging to her.
He's clinging to her as if to dear life. When he is here, he won't leave her, he wants to stay with her and clings to her as much as he can. As for Sri Aurobindo and Mother, who are the deeper reason, he only sees them through J. That's the whole thing. So J. has a reaction of rejection, she says, “I don't want any more of that.”
Is he asking to come back or not?
I think it's the only thing he's asking for. Only, he doesn't have the strength to put his situation in the Vatican in order. He doesn't have the courage to put his affairs in order.
But the other fellow, Msgr. R., will do it for him: he'll send him back.
Yes, but P.L. won't have the courage to say that he's quitting everything.
Are they asking him for an immediate answer over there?
This Monsignor is asking for a telegram.
Fine, we can wire him to come. But I mean, must he immediately put the situation there in order, or can it be put off?
Then it's better for him to come. But he can't stay with J. He can very well stay here without staying with J.
There'll be a drama, because he absolutely wants to be with J.
What I see is this: let him come here, we'll put him up at Golconde.1 Let's send this Monsignor a telegram along that line.
And inform P. L. that he will be put up at Golconde – let him be told in advance.
Yesterday P.L. wrote to F., saying, “Tell Mother that I am ill and need help.” So I gave a “blessings packet” for him. He made no mention of coming back, but he said, “I absolutely need help.”
He will find himself back in the same situation: he will come back here, will be very happy and contented, things will be fine, and then ...
And then he just has to stay here!
He just has to stay here?
And things there will unravel quite naturally.
You see, not for one day have I been without connection with him; and I am not “active,” in the sense that I have a connection only when people call. So it means he has really been calling. And like this: continuously, continuously, with a sense of tension. The letter to F. came yesterday afternoon, then I understood.
But it shows that his vital is still not pure enough to be strong enough. The vital forces there [in the Vatican] are EXTREMELY powerful.
But he told me that as soon as he goes out of his body, his body is devoured by wild beasts.
Did that happen even here?
He told me another story. He had another “dream” here, in Pondicherry, which very much upset him (because he loves you, he feels something for you). One night he saw himself, P.L., turned into a bird, a sort of owl which wanted to go and kill you! That bird had a dagger and was about to go and kill you. Then he woke up with a start, horrified by what he was going to do. It was P.L. turned into an owl, rushing towards you with a dagger to kill you.... He was horrified, poor man.
That means he is very much under their influence.
When he saw Sri Aurobindo at the Samadhi, he fainted.... There's a great conflict within.
When he saw Sri Aurobindo, Sri Aurobindo told him, “Come, come and sit here, near me, stay here.” So he stayed there quite happily, then all of a sudden he fled....
But Sri Aurobindo told him, “Come and sit down, be in peace.”
Yes, the battle is being waged within.
I think that's the only thing to do: to ask J. to wire that he will be put up at Golconde. And we'll see. We shouldn't ask her to receive him, it's better if he doesn't go and stay with her. I wouldn't want them to have a relationship. That would be very undesirable – it shouldn't take place here, you understand; it would right away take him out of the protection, so... If what makes him come back here is a desire of this order, it will take him out of the protection.
But the two are there! There's his passion for J., and there's Sri Aurobindo and Mother.
Yes, it's mixed.
The true thing has made use of that.
Yes... very well.
It far exceeds the individuals, you understand, that's the important point.2
1 “Golconde” is a guest-house in the Ashram.
2 It is in fact the start of a long story with the Vatican and the Church's reforms (or rather the continuation, after Mother's “meeting” with the Pope before his 1964 visit to Bombay).