The Mother

Agenda

Volume 6

December 7, 1965

Regarding Mother's recent “illness”

It was what people call “black magic” – I don't call it black magic, but it was an adverse formation, which I saw in all its details exactly on December 5. On the 5th itself I saw it, and afterwards I understood. It was extremely interesting, but it's impossible to repeat. On the 5th, at the meditation, I knew what it was (the day after you came). Extremely interesting. Maybe one day I will tell it, but it's very, very private.

On the afternoon of the 5th, after I had understood clearly and seen everything and done everything, suddenly... (you know how Sri Aurobindo used to take away illnesses: it was like a hand that came and took away the disease), it went away just like that, it was taken away, literally taken away like that, and the body was INSTANTLY fine. Oh, you know, I am still flabbergasted.

Just as if you had a hood over your head, and something comes and removes it: pfft! all the symptoms, all gone. It's wonderful.

When this Power works, we will see something.

But for four or five years, every year around December 5 you have been attacked.

Ah, yes. It's all part of the same thing. It's the same thing.

It's more than four or five years, more than that. Only... Anyway, when I explain it, it will be clear.

But I saw it not in human thought, not at all, not as one understands it: I saw it as it is, and what permits these attacks – what not only permits them, not only makes them possible, but what makes those things NECESSARY for the body's transformation.

To put it simply, the whole thing is to bear up, that's all. That's all – to endure and bear up.

But just when it left, just half a second before that, there came... How can I explain? It's so simple and natural and unsophisticated, oh, so simple that it seems childish. It was as though I were told by a voice that would be like Sri Aurobindo's voice, “You are the stronger and you can send the ball away,” something of that sort. But the words are nothing; it was the feeling of a sort of... buoyancy, as they say in English, that feeling one has when one is young, full of boldness and enthusiasm – the feeling of absolutely scoffing at them and at their “formidable” formation, as a lion would scoff at a rat. Absolutely that sort of relationship. And that kind of enthusiasm lasted just a flash, and at the same time, just at the same time (gesture of a hood being removed), pfft! like night and day.

Oh, it has taught me a lot, a whole lot of things, a world of things.

It was hard. It lasted a long time – the 3rd, 4th, 5th, and the whole 5th till about 6:30 in the evening: three days.

And each day brings something. It seems to be going at a gallop, it's going fast. Yesterday too, I learned something: for the work, the reason for confusions. It was very interesting, a very interesting demonstration. And so forth, every day there is something like that, in the minute details of the material working.

Very interesting.

Now, let's get on with the work.

*
*   *

(There follows a long and habitual discussion on the problem of the publication of Mother's words. As usual, Mother wants to cut everything out – “I don't want any I” – and as usual Satprem literally has to fight to salvage a few fragments here and there. The present instance concerns the “Notes on the Way.”)

But I can see, lots of people read the Bulletin, and we have to be careful of what we print. So we'll have to go over this carefully.

Have there been recriminations again?

No, there have been enthusiasts – so enthusiastic that we have to take care.

There have been protests, but I don't care a bit about them, I am not interested. It's with the enthusiasts, those on whom it had a lot of effect, that we have to take care.

The enthusiasts are often more dangerous.... Recriminations mean people who don't understand anything, that doesn't matter – if they don't understand, too bad for them. But for those who understand, we have to see that it doesn't have too much effect on them. We must be careful.

Yes, but if we cut out all that's personal, there remains a sort of “declaration” that has no concrete impact. It remains vague and general.

We can keep the complete text for those who are ready to see the whole.

(Satprem protests)

But mon petit, read the whole thing again for yourself, and tell yourself that all those who are ready to read the whole thing will read it one day, that's all, it's enough!

I should never read your texts back to you, because you're impossible!

(Mother laughs)

(The discussion goes on and Mother again wants to cut out the whole end of the conversation of November 27 which Satprem wanted to publish in “Notes on the Way.” It was about the double movement of Oneness and Multiplicity.)

Don't lose heart.

But it all hangs together!

Yes, all those who have your development will understand, but others won't.

No, it's a beginning of experience which isn't yet in its final form. I will say it better another time. A day will come when I will say it well. (Poking fun at Satprem) You'll have an opportunity to write it out well!

Leave it all, it's enough, all that is private, it's good for the Agenda.

One day I'll draw a picture – a living picture because it will be perfectly lived – of the supreme Consciousness, which is both Nothingness and Totality at the same time. And then, the day when I am able to put that experience into words, it will be something with weight. But wait a little, we must wait a little more.

These are the first stammerings of a novice.

I do understand, but... but even those stammerings are full of meaning! Even your hesitations, even your unfinished sentences. It's full of meaning.

Yes, it's good for... (as the old phrase says) it's good for the faithful, but the “faithless” mustn't see the stammerings, it doesn't help them.

She [Sujata] will have less typing to do!

(Satprem makes a face)