Nirodbaran

Correspondence with Sri Aurobindo

Second Series

1. Spirituality

Meditation

IV. The Inner Being and the Surface Consciousness (Durga)

X told us today that the Mother was trying to bring down the personality of Durga on the Puja day.

There was no trying – it came down.

When I came for pranam, the Mother's appearance made me feel that she was Durga herself. I don't know whether such a feeling arose out of the association with the puja on that day, or quite independently of it.

All that is the silliness of the physical mind which thinks itself very clever in explaining away the inner feeling or perception.

These feelings are so vague and momentary, and not accompanied by a concrete vision.

What else do you expect the first touches to be!

To give you one instance: I heard as if the Goddess Bhagawati were telling me, “I am coming” and many other things which I don't remember now.

These things are at least a proof that the inner mind and vital are trying to open to supra-physical things. But if you belittle it at once the moment it starts how can it ever develop!

I have started concentrating in the heart now. Last Sunday while I was meditating I had the vision of your face floating before me for about an hour or so, accompanied by a deep joy. I was fully conscious, but the body became utterly numb. Has anything in me opened up? Is all this the fulfilment of the promise given by Bhagawati?

It looks like it. At any rate there is evidently an opening in the heart-centre or you would not have had the change or the vision with the stilling of the physical consciousness in the body.